*Guest Blog Submission from Babydoll
So, today I went back to Pole…
“Oh cool” I hear you say…
“Why did you stop?” You ask…..
Because I thought I was too big to pole and wanted to wait until I lost weight before I went back.
Let’s rewind a little bit.
It’s the summer of 2013 and I had just lost 20 kilos and wanted to reward myself so I thought “I am going to learn how to Pole..”
I booked a term and from day one I was hooked. I spent a year loving Pole until the day of the Christmas show when I came home and realized that I had just performed in front of people while being 15 kilos heavier. I looked into the mirror and was devastated that the weight had crept back on. I was very upset with myself and spent months unhappy.
Fast forward 12 months and a few conversations with myself later…
I am still overweight, but I am just a bit more in love with my curves. I am an awesome person and am learning that my weight is no reflection of that.
So week one, I have started back in intermediate one, Ang (my instructor) is teaching our class and I am so nervous that I have been to the bathroom 4 times in 20 minutes.
Warms ups are cool, I can do those, stretches, that works too.
Oh my head explodes!
I question: Can I really do this? How am I going to climb up the pole when I weigh 80 kilos (176 pounds)?
With all my might and fake self confidence, I climb. It’s awkward, definitely not graceful and I bruise my foot the first time around, but I make it to the top…I breathe out. I can do this.
Ang takes us through a few more refresher tricks/spins that the beginners would have done last term. I’m trying to remember names and positioning: front foot or back foot? inside hand on top or outside hand?…At some point I burst out laughing and every piece of anxiety is gone..
Ang looks at me and asks if I am okay. “Yep, I am all good now”
I introduce myself to the rest of the girls..
“Hi, I am Jane.”
I can be a bit out there and sometimes my directness can put people off, but I don’t care. Sometime in the next ten weeks, I am going to help spot or they are going to spot me. I like to know who is holding my butt up..
We climb, spin, practice different hand holds and then we invert. I am not going to let this one be a defining moment, so I place my hands at my chin height I swing my outside leg and look at where I want to go. Looking at the top of the pole has always helped me, and as I wrap my legs around the pole I realize that I am back in my happy place.
We work hard practicing on both sides. Not favoring one side or the other is a bonus with routines we are told. I know this, but also know that I suck at most things on my right side. I vow to work harder so that I can work on both sides as much as possible.
By the end of the class, we are exhausted. My legs are red and I can see the start of a few bruises (I bruise easily). We are stretching and I am so excited that I still have a lot of my side split flexibility, not so much front split, but that’s okay it was never my forte.
We finish up and I thank Ang, if she had not pushed a little bit a few weeks ago I would have continued to procrastinate.
It is now Sunday morning and I can’t move. I have been doing other exercises for a few weeks but pole works parts of the body that you don’t really get to in a cardio session on the bike or treadmill.
I feel like I am wearing a straight jacket, moving either of my arms is not an option. The bruise on the inside of my left leg at the knee is the size of my hand. The tops of my feet have blisters and my hands have the beginnings of standard pole calluses.
Would I change it?
Hell no, I love getting strong. I love hanging out with girls who don’t bitch about each other. I love progressing and learning something new. Most of all, I love that I am here as I am all of me, curves, dimples, stretch marks….and I love who I am.
Till next time…
About Jane “Babydoll”
I am a 41 yr old mother. I am Short, I have curves, I am a mum. I am getting married and I love to pole.
For many years I have not liked my body, in fact, some days I still don’t like it much. However I do love who I am. I am honest, I have battle scars, I laugh at myself more than I laugh at others. I love food and I love my family. I started Pole as a reward for loosing 20 kilos (44 pounds). I was so pleased with myself. I loved pole and the friends I made. Twelve months down the track, I had put all the weight back on and I was very unhappy with myself. I gave up pole thinking I was too big.
Another twelve months and I am happy being who I am just wanting to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit. I am losing weight but I will never be “not curvy” and I love this. I have just gone back to pole and I want to share my journey with you.